Talk to any serious dieter and you may walk away with the impression that the world is a minefield of bubbling macaroni and cheese casseroles, fresh homemade pound cakes and unlimited peanut butter cups ready to pounce at the slightest suggestion of weakness. I have heard many lament that their best friends, spouses, and co-workers have become part of a vast conspiracy to bring on the demise of the diet.
It's easy to look for someone else to blame when we abandon our efforts to make healthy lifestyle changes. After all, when it is my co-worker's birthday, it might hurt her feelings if I don't share the special birthday cake. And what would my mother-in-law think if I refuse her famous pasta Alf redo that she made especially for me? Surely I can't give up my Friday night pizza and beer ritual with my best buddies! Plus, letting all that good Valentine's candy go to waste would be a horrible shame.
For most of my life, I planned to lose weight--starting tomorrow, of course--and something would always sabotage my best efforts. I was well into my forties when I realized that that something was me. "Self sabotage," Alyce Cornyn-Selby quips, "is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn't happen."
When I decided I wanted to lose weight more than I wanted the instant gratification of food, I stopped being a victim of sabotage. For me, that change was brought on by the fear that I would be next in line in my family for a serious heart attack.
To my surprise, the events, people, and foods that I had perceived as sources of sabotage in the past no longer held power over me. I found ways to take control of my own experience by bringing healthy food to parties or ordering a salad instead of a pizza or inviting a friend to go for a walk or a bike ride instead of out to dinner. (Who knew that there were ways to have fun that did not involve eating?!)
When I stopped sabotaging myself, I started seeing many forms of support that I had ignored in the past: co-workers who wanted to lose a few pounds and started eating better too, friends who included healthful foods at dinner parties because of me, the trainer who went the extra mile to make my sessions possible, exercise buddies who showed up week after week, clients who encouraged my efforts, and an online support system called sparkpeople.com.
I wish I could say the tendency toward self sabotage disappears completely. But every now and then, I still want to blow off my exercise. And I can't imagine that carrots will ever be as tantalizing as chocolate. But my workout buddies are waiting at the gym, my sister is calling to remind me to get moving, and I've invested way too much in my health (and happiness) to sabotage myself now.
Sabotage!
One of the ways I found that I was self sabbotaging was in the way I answered people. It set a negative attitude in my mind that was hard to break. When offered a cookie or piece of candy I would politely refuse by saying, "No, I'm sorry, I'm on a diet." But AM I really sorry I was on a diet? I was the one who chose to be on the diet to lose weight for health reasons and to look better. I had to change to a more positve mental outlook for myself and to project to others so I would not convey that I would sabbotage nor allow them to sabbotage my efforts. I now say, "No thank you, I choose to stay working towards my goals, but thank you for thinking of me as my future self that could indulge in that ______." It brings smiles to the faces of those who have offered and it reinforces my efforts in my mind... and then I go get a large glass of water or diet soda and indulge in that instead of the goody that was offered.
"Now is the time."
Today is my first day as a member of SparkPeople and I am so glad that your blog was my first!
I too am the one the family is watching to see if I implode due to my weight and lack of healthy habits. I have now decided that I will turn that scenario around by having my family watching me become a healthier, happier me...with the weight loss as a by-product. I WILL BE much happier and healther in the next half of my life than my first half...with you, the SparkPeople, to support me. Thank you!
You are so right about taking the responsibility for our actions, and removing the blame from others/food itself. It's amazing how liberating and empowering it is to understand that "you" are in control of food, and only you can make the choice to eat properly. I've found that the process of getting fit and healthy really starts with our heads. Our mental approach will either make us succeed or allow us to continue to fail in our efforts.
You go girl! I am proud of any and all Spark People success story-tellers. Your blog really helped me today!
Remember you need the strength you have to succeed at everything you do. You are the only one that can take the step but all of your support teams are behind you rooting.
This is just great,,Your such an INSPIRATION to me in my life today,i just cant explain it in words,I'm on my way in my new life and I'm thank full to you for sending the spark my way.keep up the great work.
This reminded me of when I went home (1,000 from here) to visit my mom and family. She knew I was a vegetarian so she specially made me eggplant parmesan. Before I ate it she was talking and I heard her say she boiled all the meat in the sauce then used the sauce for the parmesan. I apologized and thanked her but I didn't eat it. She felt bad, but understood. I felt good because I've had too many food issues around her and finally took care of myself.
You have a great way with words; thank you much for sharing your journey and insight. Continued successes to you!
Rosie, Thanks for this..it's exactly what I've been struggling with. Good advice to keep me on track! Have a blessed week! Terri
WOW!! What an inspiration to all of us. Keep up the Great work and keep posting, your blogs are very inspirational!
Rosie,
Today is a new day. Your thoughts are your own. Positive, simple steps keep us healthy. Your journey is looking brighter.
-Karen
Rosie,
Thanks for the inspiration. I have always thought about others people draging me off track, enticing me with food. I never gave a thought to my own personal responsibility.
Luanne
I saw your information when I signed on to spark today. Thanks for offering a new way of thinking about sabotage. I felt the same way. Keep up the SPARK. I will check in again.
Lisa
Rosie, What an inspiration to know that you have successfully walked the path that I am on now. And thank you for your honesty that there are still rocks along that path. I found my way to sparkpeople.com a couple weeks ago and already have moved forward....my goal is to be right next to you in a year or so. Thank you for sharing your journey. Kathy M.
Thanks for continuing to inspire me and make me believe it is possible. Once again I have the strength to make it through another week. Your journey teaches us all to believe, be true to yourself and exercise and good things will happen to our bodies and especially our self esteem. Keep up the good work....we need you.
rosie,
You cycle every week and that is so amazing to all of us. Keep telling us how many calories we can burn when we exercise. That is the tough part of weight loss--moving is hard and not what I like to do. But, you have gotten me energized by your enthusiasm with biking. It sounds like so much fun to bike with your friends! The "group thing" helps so much--your friends make you get out there, which is the hard part.
Thanks for getting me out the door!!!
nino
Rosie,
You inspire so many people to achieve the unachievable. Keep helping us to see that we can succeed--just like you.
trainer girl
Thinny~ I am so proud of you. Keep up the good work. Your efforts are not un-noticed!
Your friend.......Mrs.Honeycomb
Hey Rosie,
You rock! I love reading your blog. There's a lot of info out there, but yours really hits home. Guess there's just no substitute for personal experience! Thanks for sharing your hard-fought wisdom. You are such an inspiration!!! Any chance you'll be back on the Ellen show? Would love to see you again. Keep the messages coming. And as always, best of everything to you!
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I am a new member @ Sparkpeople and I am learning a lot about myself and others. your story has enpowered me that I too can do it. Thnak you for sharing your sucess as well as your struggle. Seeing your before and after picture is powerful. I need to lose a 80 to 100 lbs & before your blog I was very doughful. In the past if the weight did not disappear in 2 weeks I was onto another diet. I only began this Sunday weighing 241 lbs and I am going to learn how to change my eating behavior and live again. Thank You
Posted by super 08 | February 28, 2008 7:54 PM