Ellen's Lunch

Here is a bird's eye view of my lunch. I don't know why birds are eying my lunch. I don't think birds are big soup eaters. But then again, I don't hang out with birds 24/7, so who knows? I suppose if the water in a birdbath heats up, who's to say that it's not soup?

You are looking down at a wonderful bowl of chicken vegetable soup with noodles. (By the way, chicken vegetables are delicious. You can get them at any Chicken Farmer's Market.) Oh, by the way, in case you're wondering, that's my emergency glass of juice in the corner of the photo. Just in case I spill my regular glass of juice. It's no wonder I once won a Brownie merit badge for Lunch Preparedness.

I'm not sure what that white blob is at the top of the picture... it's probably from the bird.

Today for lunch I am having baby greens with steak, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes and mango slices. I’d like to talk about cherry tomatoes for a moment. I’m not sure when scientists first figured out how to combine fruits and vegetables into one Frankenvegetafruit. But I’m not sure if it’s right. Sure, cherry tomatoes are delicious, but where does it end? Will we one day be eating apple potatoes, pear asparagus and peach broccoli? Is the world ready for orange carrots? ...I mean, we’ve had orange carrots for a long time, but are we ready for orange carrots? I’m going to keep an open mind for now and not try to judge, and sure, if they could find a way to cross lettuce with a cow, making steak salads would be way more convenient. “Oh, that’s silly! They’ll never find a way to combine animals and vegetables!” you say?

Perhaps you’ve never had a corndog.

Enjoy your lunch.

Ellen

Today I am having a gorgeous Asian spinach and steak salad with an Asian crab cake for lunch. Whenever I eat food like this, which has been prepared so artistically, I feel guilty about wrecking the design by eating it. It's like taking a bite out of a flower arrangement... and those days are over for me. I'm still trying to get the taste of daffodils out of my mouth. When I'm served food like this, that looks so nice, I try to swallow it carefully so it will still look good in my stomach. I know it works because every time I get an X-ray, the doctor always tells me how nice my lunch still looks. I'm surprised that there aren't any lunches hanging in any museums. Although, I have seen many paintings that look like lunch stains on your shirt. I heard that Leonardo da Vinci made beautiful grilled cheese sandwiches. As a matter of fact, he painted The Last Lunch several hours before he painted The Last Supper. And of course, sadly, we all know he died before finishing his greatest work of all, The Last Midnight Snack. You know, all this making up history has left me famished. I'm gonna eat... carefully.

Enjoy your lunch.

Ellen

I'm back in my studio today -- and look what I have waiting for me! A beautiful tomato stuffed with tuna, served on a wild arugula salad with olives and parmesan cheese, topped with balsamic dressing. I don't know that much about cooking, but I do know how much tuna it takes to stuff a tomato. When you ask the tomato if he'd like some more, and he says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed," you know to stop there. I'm just kidding, of course. Tomatoes can't talk. It's a good thing, too, because if tomatoes did talk, they would be much harder to eat. "Oh no, please don't eat me, Ellen!" I'd end up starving. With my luck, the tomato wouldn't stop talking and would annoy me all day long. "Ellen, could you put me in the sun? Ellen, can I have some water, Ellen can you scratch my vine?" Speaking of talking, I shouldn't be talking with my mouth full, and my lunch is getting cold. How can I tell my lunch is getting cold? It just asked for a sweater.

Enjoy your lunch.

Ellen

Today for my lunch I will be enjoying this delicious and colorful chef's salad with Russian dressing. I must admit, I feel a little guilty eating the chef's salad. He must have worked up quite an appetite cooking all that great food. His mouth must have been watering all morning as he thought about the salad that he would be eating. (Although, I hope it wasn't watering in the salad.) The thing is, if the chef really wanted to eat his salad, he should have made me a little something too. When I do my show, I make sure that there's enough to go around for everyone first. Then, if there's anything left over, I'll do a little show for myself. You should come to one of my personal shows, I find them really entertaining. Anyway, I'll save some of this salad for my chef, if he promises to make more food next time.

Meanwhile, enjoy your lunch,
Ellen

Today for lunch I am having some delicious tilapia lettuce wraps with caper remoulade and arugula salad. As I've said many times, I probably couldn't tell a tilapia from a flounder. (Although, if the flounder was floundering around, I might guess right.) If there are any tilapias reading this, don't get me wrong, I don't mean to offend. It's just that to me most fish ...just taste fishy and delicious and that's as detailed as I can describe it.

There's a lot of stuff that I eat that I'm not exactly sure what it is, but if I try it and it tastes good, what else do I need to know? Take remoulade for instance. I've heard of it, I'm sure I've had it before, I have no idea what it is but I'm glad Ray Moulade created it. I probably couldn't tell the difference between arugula or frizzy or radicchio but there's one thing I am sure about. ...It's really hard saying arugula frizzy and radicchio 3 times really fast ...with your mouth full of tilapia.

Enjoy your lunch,
Ellen

Today for lunch I am having a spinach, asparagus and skirt steak salad with beet vinaigrette dressing. I love eating skirt steaks but have never worn one. I think it would be uncomfortable. I'm not much for wearing food. I did once hollow out 2 loaves of bread to make loafers, which I must say were extremely comfortable. Have I ever told you how much I love beets? Of all the purple foods, they are my second favorite next to grapes. They can be stainy so I make sure I always wear a bib when I eat them. Come to think of it, I once used a leaf of bibb lettuce as a bib. If you spill enough dressing on it while you're eating, it really tastes great when you're done using it.

Whether you're eating it or wearing it, enjoy your lunch,
Ellen

Today for lunch I am having a cucumber and lettuce salad with a scrumptious tomato stuffed with tuna salad and another tomato stuffed with olives. It's topped off with a balsamic drizzle. My lunch is always delicious, but when my lunch is stuffed with other lunch, look out for a taste explosion! Some of my favorite foods are stuffed, like Oreos, double stuffed Oreos, stuffed mushrooms...

There are these things called Turduckens. John Madden, the football announcer is always talking about them. They take a turkey, stuff it with a duck and then stuff a chicken inside the duck, which is inside the turkey. I've never had one, but it's supposed to be delicious. My point is that an olive is delicious but an olive stuffed with a pimento is divine. An olive stuffed with a pimento stuffed into a martini is even better!

The best stuffed food of all though is stuffed food that you stuff in your mouth!

Enjoy your lunch

Ellen

Today for lunch I am having some tomato soup with tuna salad tomato cups over micro greens and asparagus sticks topped with balsamic vinaigrette. And if this wasn't enough of a treat, my chef has shaped it all like a bug. A scrumptious food bug that I must gobble up before it crawls away. Is there a better food than Tomato soup? Sure, there are a lot of delicious foods in the world but tomato soup is simply one of the most fantastic ...ist. I'm sure that tomatoes are proud of their whole tomato family, catsup, spaghetti sauce and tomato juice, but I'll bet they are proudest of their soup. ...And tomato soup and tuna salad? Are you kidding me? In the fantastic tradition of food combos like peanut butter and jelly, bacon and eggs and martinis and olives, tuna salad and tomato soup is a delicious dynamic duo that can't be beat.

...Oh no, my tuna salad cups are starting to crawl away. I'll catch you later.

Enjoy your lunch,

Ellen

Today for lunch I am having a delicious lobster and roasted corn salad with lemon poppy seed dressing. What a fantastic creature lobsters are. All sleek and red with those big claws and that cool looking tail. Animals don't look the way they look by accident. They evolved to get a jump on the other animals. I still don't know how lobsters evolved those rubber bands over their claws. I guess it's one of those mysteries of nature. The only way lobsters could evolve to be even more delicious would be if they evolved so they could live in warm butter. I'm not exactly sure how corn evolved the way it did. I'll bet it was hanging out all by itself and then one day it said to it's other corn friends, "Hey, let's all hang out on these cobs! Don't worry, there's enough room for everybody, just line up in rows." All I know is that I have evolved an appetite.

Enjoy your lunch

Ellen

Today for lunch I am having curry chicken salad and a spinach apple salad. It's two, two, two salads in one! One of these day's I'm going to have 3 salads for lunch. You just wait and see! I'll show you all! ...Sorry, when it comes to salads, sometimes I get carried away. I love salads. They're greeny and crisp and fresh just like spring. Sometimes I feel guilty about eating plants but I figure if they didn't want to be eaten then they wouldn't have made themselves taste so good. Have you ever bitten into a bitter tasting leaf of one of those fancy salads? It looks like regular lettuce but it tastes harsh and makes your nose curl up? That salad probably doesn't want to be eaten. For that matter, I don't think Brussels sprouts want to be eaten either. But that's just my opinion. You'll have to ask a Brussels sprout what he thinks. But you can't tell me that delicious spinach and apples like these don't love every second of being gobbled up.

Enjoy gobbling up your lunch

Ellen

My lunch today looks like a fresh green meadow in springtime. I just want to take off my shoes and walk through it. ...but that would be silly. I only walk through my breakfasts. (I love my pancakes really really flat.) Today I am having chicken salad lettuce wraps with a mache salad. Lettuce wraps are such a good idea. In the carb curbing world we now live in, we can replace lettuce leaves for anything we used to use bread for. Hotdogs, tacos, any kind of sandwich. There's no need for bread anymore! Remind me to give you my recipe for lettuce pudding sometime. MMMMM!

Sometimes, with a lunch like this, I pretend that I'm a rabbit. I put a blanket over my head and pretend that I'm in my rabbit burrow. Then, I crawl out and hop on over to my lunch and take tiny rabbit bites out of it. Then... someone from my staff usually walks in and asks me what I'm doing eating my lunch off the floor. ...I should have heard them coming with my big long ears.

Enjoy your lunch.

Ellen

For my lunch today I am having a delicious Italian anti-pasta salad. I guess whoever made it must have something against pasta. Who could be anti pasta? Pasta is wonderful. I could see being against pasta if something bad happened. Like, if you were attacked by pasta when you were a kid walking home from school, or if pasta stole your boyfriend, or if pasta snuck into the parking space you were trying to get. But, other than those rare occurrences, I can not imagine how you could be anti pasta. Whether it's the long kind or the spirally kind or the tubey kind or the kind that looks like bow ties, pasta is delicious.

Noodles were invented by the Chinese. We know this because they found a bowl of noodles that were over 4000 years old. (I guess the person who made it was still waiting for it to cool off.) Then, Marco Polo brought it back for the rest of the world to enjoy. Marco Polo also discovered the shirts with the little embroidered horse on them. He also invented the game polo, where guys would ride around trying to hit a meat ball with long wooden spoons. Anyway, this salad doesn't have any pasta but it does have a lot of scrumptiousness.

Enjoy your lunch

Ellen

Today for lunch I'm having a Caesar Salad with sun dried tomatoes and olives. Once again, hats off to Caesar for creating such a great salad. Maybe I should say hail Caesar. Not a lot of people know this, but many historical conquerors were great chefs. The great Chinese General Tso made a wonderful tangy orange chicken. Napoleon made delicious little pastries. General Patton was a genus with crepes. Attila The Hun used to make really tasty smores and once claimed that if he hadn't been so busy pillaging, he would have opened up his own hot dog stand. Alexander the Great was known as Alexander the Pretty Good until he started making quiches that were to die for.

The key is that these men conquered their food. Caesar would sneak up on a salad just before dawn and just as the sun's rays started to peak over the mountains, he would send in legions of anchovies and croutons covered in dressing. The salad was tossed before it knew what hit it. Men of peace... Not so good at cooking. Why do you think Ghandi was always so skinny?

Enjoy conquering your lunch

Ellen

Today for lunch I am having some tasty tilapia tacos on romaine lettuce with mango salsa and Asian mache salad.

I don't know what tilapia looks like in the wild. I probably walk by tilapias all day long and don't even know it. I'm not sure what a whole mango looks like. I think they grow on trees. I don't think tilapia grows on trees. If I ever come across a tilapia orchard, I will immediately admit my error. I don't think tilapias or mangos come from around here. I don't remember any childhood stories about "Johnny Mango Seed." If there are any stories about Johnny Mango Seed, I feel bad that he was so overshadowed by Johnny Apple Seed. Johnny Mango Seed is probably sitting out in front of a retirement home right now complaining. "It was my idea to cross the country spreading fruit seeds! Why, if I ever get my hands on Apple Seed, I'll make cider out of him!"

I only recently remember ever eating mache. It must be the new trendy leafy green. Every year there are new lettuces that I have never heard of. There must be some kind of spring lettuce fashion show where all the salad designers trot out their new creations. I hear dandelion greens are making a big comeback in Paris. Maybe I'll stop by my salad boutique on the way home from work.

I hope your lunch is as delicious and trendy as mine.

Ellen

Today for lunch I am having a beautifully prepared crab and mango salad with cumin coriander dressing and crispy apricots. I've been eating a lot of crab lately. They say that people crave what their body needs, and my body must need crab. I also think that I must have a red velvet cupcake deficiency. Anyway, back to my Dungeness Crab. (I'm not sure how it got named. I bet they were kept in dungeons so that they could pinch the prisoner's toes to make them talk. "No, not the crab! I'll talk! The treasure is hidden in the moat!" Sorry, I keep changing the subject. I guess you wouldn't know that, since I haven't told you what the subject is yet. Here it is. Dungeness Crabs have 10 legs. How do you get used to that many legs? It must take forever to tie your shoes. Dancing must be really hard. I guess crabs like having that many legs. All those legs are handy for scurrying under rocks. They probably wonder how we are able to get around with only 2 legs. "Look at those silly humans with their 2 legs. How are they able to scurry under rocks?" "Watch them freak out when I pinch their toes."

Enjoy your lunch

Ellen

Today for lunch I am having a delicious chicken chop salad. I like chicken chops almost as much as I like pork chops. While I'm eating, let me share with you some interesting chicken facts.

Fact #1: Did you know that chickens evolved from dinosaurs? It's true. Cavemen couldn't get enough of buffalo dinosaur wings. Actually they could get enough. one wing could serve a whole village.

Fact #2: Chickens aren't necessarily chicken. They don't go looking for a fight but once challenged, they hardly ever back down. ...especially if they've been drinking.

Fact #3: The chicken crossed the road because it was free ranging. Chickens like to wander. They don't like to be cooped up. Wherever they hang their hat, they call home. Sometimes you can see them hitch rides on freight trains with their bindles on a stick.

Fact #4: The chicken came first. Then he looked around, realized that he was the first to arrive so he waited out front until the egg showed up.

I'm still under the weather so today for lunch I am having some chicken soup and an Italian chop style salad. Obviously someone made this salad for me. I don't own a salad chopper. I think in my kitchen drawers I have a fork and maybe a spoon. Originally humans didn't have kitchen utensils, so everybody ate things whole. People spent most of their day chewing. That's why it took so long for them to get around to inventing the wheel.

But one day, a wise caveman said, "what if we split this watermelon into a couple of pieces?" Back then, by the way, watermelons weighed over 2000 pounds and were the size of Volkswagen buses. Now, you could fill your kitchen from floor to ceiling with cooking utensils. There are carrot peelers, cheese graters, salad spinners, garlic presses, orange squeezers... It seems like every food has it's own utensil. Sometimes I long for the old days when all you needed was a sharp rock ...and a mastodon peeler.

I'm gonna be honest. Sometimes I have a craving for a skewer. Not all the time because that takes the specialness out of it. But once in a while, a skewer really scratches my itch. ...literally and figuratively (after I finish my skewer, I like to scratch my back with it.) Corn on the cob, pot pies, flautas, squab ...are all things that are great once in a while. I was just kidding about squab. ...I don't know what that is. ...I don't know if I want to know. ...Please don't ever tell me. Anyway, today I am having beef tenderloin skewers with spinach, tomatoes and mozzarella covered with a reduced fat dressing.

I am also having some leek and shitake mushroom soup for an appetizer. Appetizers are good because they really get your appetite warmed up. Before appetizers were invented, people never got that hungry. I'm thinking about inventing unappetizers for people who are trying to lose weight.

I hope your appetizers are appetizing

Ellen

Today my lunch looks like a kaleidoscope. For anyone out there younger than 30, kaleidoscopes were what we had before video games. Those were simpler times. We were allowed to walk to school by ourselves. We didn't have the fancy jet packs that kids have nowadays. No one says nowadays anymore. Isn't it ironic that nowadays, "nowadays" is so waybackthen?

Anyway, isn't this another beautiful lunch creation? It's a simple and elegant spinach and kale salad with crab meat and tangerine slices. Did you know that kale is really good for you? It has a lot of antioxidants and is an anti-inflammatory. So if you're over oxidized or are really flammed, kale is the vegetable for you.

Enjoy your lunch

Ellen