Ellen, my heart is breaking for Mary, you, me and the millions of others who suffered under the hands of our abusers. The only way we can rise above this abuse is to talk about it and to be open about the hurt our abusers have caused us. Silence is our enemy, it shelters our abusers, it protects them from the justice that should be ours. It has been over 40 yrs since my abuse, I was beaten so badly, he tried to kill me and him, then thank God I ran from him. I joined the Air
Force and got my dignity back. I've lived a wonderful life since then, happily married for 40 yrs., three wonderful children, and four beautiful grandchildren. Hearing Mary today has brought up a lot of old pain today, pain I think I tried to forget, but Mary reminded me of how important it is for us to stand up for those who don't have a voice. We all, men and women being abused, must be there for those afraid to speak.
Ellen, thank you for having Mary Murphy on today.
My heart goes out to her and you for the abuse you and others have suffered.

,.

Thank you Mary Murphy for opening up the door and having the courage to speak out about your own personal story of abuse. I have a very similar story as far as my parents were involved in my own life and this is the first time i have ever heard it expressed by anyone else..i feel i really understand your pain. I happened to stay in my relationship and am glad to say that for me atleast,( now married for over 30 years) things have worked out - however it hasn't been easy. I just wanted to say how much it meant and thank you....bless you. You were not and are not alone.

Ellen, I just wanted to say what a brave woman you and Mary are. I have never been abused in such a manner and i can not imagine your pain. I worked at a battered women's shelter for about a year and I cried every night for those women. You are such a wonderful person and I truly wish you and Mary all the best. Ellen, thank you for all that you do, you touch people in sooo many ways.
V/R
Tamika

Ellen,
I was once an abused girlfrien/wife for 22 years. as a teenager, there was abuse and I would leave & go back on & on. We had 1 child, i left he quit his drinking, I went back. There was drug abuse, & I went back. There was a "calming period, and 3 more kids later. he went to AA for years. and things were good. Then after 12 years or more, he snapped! I was arrested for something he had done to me. Thank God my neighbor was right behind me and got me out before I was thrown in a cell, but after all this & the arraigment & court dates & FINALLY getting the judge & Prosecutor to see I was not lying on what happened that night, I was set free! And not just set free from this but set free the fact that all those years inthe "calming moments" were moments of verbal abuse. I found myself a DV program whch in turn got me onto the Address Confidentiality Program in my state and although I would drive looking constantl in my rearview mirror.....10 yrs later I rarely do! I feel I will always have that fear, as I am still afraid to say anything which I feel would set him off, about our kids & such but I AM stronger now. I feel better when I don;t have to see nor hear his voice after many weeks, but I DO find it hard to have a relationship to the fullest with another man. I am catious about wh I am with & where I go, but I menatlly expect that to be the rest of my life....uness I totally move away (unfortunatley there's a no out of state moves clause in our divorce). There's so much more to tell but I had to share this with everyone after just having watching your show. It's kind of ironic considering I am normally at work & south of the county here and today I had to stop at my house to pick up something & hapened to turn on your show just as your guest walked on & you 2 began to talk about it!

THANK YOU ELLEN!!!

I applaud Ms. Murphy's courage to speak up about her recovery from being a victim of domestic abuse. Although anyone who has ben in a similar situation does not want to be categorized as a victim, as it is not about getting sympathy. It is about finding the COURAGE to walk away, the STRENGTH to know that YOU CAN SURVIVE, ( if you are in an abusive marriage, or relationship, you have felt the physical pain, and are still alive, the emotional abuse and know that you are NOT broken yet!) - Know that YOU ARE RESILIENT, and CHOOSE TO LIVE and be proactive in your own RECOVERY! Propel the pain and hurt into good positive energy. It is hard and difficult, but is worth it, YOU ARE WORTH IT! Let it out! Ms. Murphy, my eyes were filled with tears of hope. When you dance for the world, you show all of us ( survivors of abuse, and those in it)- to let it all out and transform it into something beautiful. We need to be more supportive of our friends, co-workers, daughters, sisters, neighbors, that we see in situations like this. I understand that getting out of an abusive relationship, is more difficult than most women who have never been in one think. It is hard, and painful, and one can feel so alone. I urge ANYONE in a situation like this to pull yourself together, even if you feel like he has taken all the strength and self respect out of you, and GET OUT!!!!!

Thanks Mary and also Ellen I been a "Survivor of Domestic Violence", a been hiding for 2 years now from a person who make my life a disaster and 4 kids too, it's very hard, but life is one I think i been brave enough to suport this situation, I been traveling with my kids in snow storm, in the middle of night trying to escape after all I made it and I feel am the best women ever trying to find a safe place for my kids, after been attached for 10 years to a bad men..
God bless all the suvivors that's how i call been abused from DV.
Thanks

I happened to be flipping chanels and stopped on Ellen. I was just about to flip again when I heard Ellen explain that Mary Murphy had been in an abusive realtionship. I stopped dead in my tracks. I am currently going through the process of leaving my abusive husband. We have been together for 3 1/2 years. The entire relationship was filled with subtle manipulation, unending control and I, being the person who always sees the best in others, ignored it, even when family members challenged me to question my relationship. We moved 4 provinces away to an isolated northern community. I began to notice his abusiveness but always made excuses or justified his behaviour for that is what he had "trained" me to do. I became pregnant, completely unplanned. I wished and prayed that having this child would change him, would make him the man that I knew he could be. Instead, he became even more angry, controlling, and manipulative. After giving birth to my son, eight months ago, I knew that this was not an environment that I wanted him to be in. I didn't want him growing up believing that it was alright to treat people this way, seeing his father treat me this way, and, gulp, eventually being abused too. I knew I had to get out but I didn't know how. All of my supports were so far away. Somehow, I had a moment of clarity where I knew that I could do it. I knew that I needed to leave him and I knew that we would be just fine. So I left. I am still fighting a battle but somehow, I know that things will work out. I am grateful for all of the other women who are sharing their stories. It gives me strength and comfort and I can only hope that by sharing my experience it does the same for someone else.

Id just like to commend Mary for being strong and moving on! I know how she feels. I was in an abusive relationship for 5.5 years. I was physically, mentally and emotionally abused. For 5.5 years i was scared to leave. He would hit me, choke me, push me, call me names, accused me of the worst things possible and more. He even put his cigarette out on me. That was the last time. I woke up one morning and decided i have to be strong and leave because it will never get better. If anything, it would get worse. Its been over 2 years now and i feel like i am back to myself. That was the best move i ever made. The only good thing i took away from the horrible mess was it made me a stronger person. I definitely know what love isnt and i also know i am worth so much more! I truly see Mary as an inspiration and thank her so much for sharing her story!

The minute I came out of my mothers womb I felt like a cursed child. Always hearing your an ACCIDENT, You were not meant to be born.
I lived in negativity, alcohol, drugs, and raped by stepfather and my own biological brother.
I got married and all the childhood dysfunction carried into the people I chose to marry, once again surviving abuse and rape, from them. Thats when I learned that there is such a thing called RAPE in marriage.
Now, I live my life and not just survive. I became an educated woman with strong morals and values. I am happily married to my new beautiful wife. Keeping in mind where I came from and that still to this day, I am the only one out of the family that chooses to stay clean and sober.
I am a successful survivor story that does not for one moment stop thinking of my fellow fallen survivors and their families who lost the battle.
My family still chooses not to own me and I have learned that its healthy to FORSAKE family who chose not to love you.
for all the survivors out there " YOU CAN LIVE, YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU CAN BE SUCCESSFUL!!! JUST KEEP BELIEVING."
GOD FIRST!!!

I fully understand how Mary feels. I, too, was in an abusive relationship; verbal and physical. The "I've got to get out" happened when my ex-husband had torn the ligament in my wrist [with my 12 year old son watching] and then proceeded the continue the verbal abuse. I walked over and picked up the phone and sat back down with it in full view of my ex-husband while I was seated on the couch. I proceeded to punch in 9 then 1 then 1. I was evidently connected to the police, who heard what was going on and sent over a patrol car. Even when they arrived at my home and I answered the door I was apologizing for bothering them and saying I had made a mistake in calling them. Seeing how distraught I was, they insisted I come out of the house with my son, and one of the officers entered my home and found my ex-husband hiding in the gameroom. They removed him and 3 shotguns from my home. My ex actually wrote me a note saying "please get my guns back from the police for me. I promise I won't shoot you." Family support has been horrible. My ex-mother-in-law actually heard me getting punched on my back while I was on the phone with her, but still threatened to come and kill me "for what I've done to her son". I tried to get my sister's husband to take my son out and do some fun things with him, but he "didn't want to get in the middle of things". I am on Social Security Disability, and have a tough time each month making ends meet [plus knowing my car is dying] BUT I am smiling again and very happy. My son is healing too. He has a very hard time because his father feels the whole thing was my fault and that I had the whole thing planned from the time I met him. When he visits his father, he hears all the time how horrible I [supposedly] am. My son is now 16, and seeing his father for what he is; a functioning alcoholic, manipulator, and abuser. I was in a cast up to my shoulder for over 6 months, and in a terrific amount of pain. Somehow you just don't plan that! My divorce has been finalized after 4 1/2 years. Time does heal; slowly but the wounds begin to scar over. It's so extremely hard to seek help. It makes you feel ashamed, and like you're having a pity party for yourself. God Bless you Ellen for bringing topics like this to people's attention, and always having a smile on your face no matter how you're feeling. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Sincerely,
Debbie