I have a big brother. Not “big brother” like, “big brother is watching.” He might be watching. He’d better be watching. I’m talking about Vance. It’s so comforting to have a big brother. ‘Cause no matter how much older I get, he’ll always be older. Because he’s the eldest, Vance got to break-in my parents for me. He did it the way you break-in a baseball mitt. He oiled them up, wrapped a rubber band around them and ran them over with the car. My parents only had two kids, so I’m the youngest. I’m glad I’m not the middle child. I don’t have anything against middle children… except for Jan from “The Brady Brunch.” She was whiny.
When I was growing up, I always wanted a sister, or a puppy, or a really good stereo. And I think having a twin would be really cool. Twins amaze me. I think they're the most magical, supernatural, spooky things in the world -- besides leprechauns and twin leprechauns. I think if I had an identical twin, it would never stop freaking me out. I'd come down to the kitchen every morning and see myself making coffee… and I'd think, "I don't remember getting up this early." And I'd think, "Hmm. She's pretty." And I'd think, "What's going on? If I'm making coffee, then who am I?" And I'd think, "She's 50 years old, when is she gonna get her own place?" Then I'd say in our secret twin language: "Tiki tiki whoop dee whoop!" Which means, "Come on, we're late for our Doublemint audition!"
next: Who's That with Ellen?
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Hi Ellen.
Just wanted to say that I loved the part with your "twin" sister! You are amazing! Love your humor :o)
Hugs from Alex Sweden
Posted by Alex C | May 16, 2008 4:49 PM