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Ellen's Thoughts | Tuesday, May 20, 2008 | 11:00 AM

There's a Hole in My Hat

I love to shop. I like to buy trinkets and whatnots. Once, I bought a doodad. So, I'm in this store and I saw an adorable little hat. It was perfect for me because my head is so tiny. At that point, the saleslady came over and said, "Oh... that's not a hat. It's a cashmere baby poncho." So I said, "Yeah. No duh. I know it's a baby poncho. I know that very well."

I wear all kinds of things on my head that aren't hats. One time it rained and I wore a dog bowl. People loved it! The poncho looked like a hat to me... either that or a cashmere dickie. It had a little hole in it. I thought it was breathing room for the top of the head... like a visor. I didn't even know babies needed ponchos... you never see them riding donkeys. I think the saleslady should've just gone with it to make the sale. "Well, well, well... that hat fits you perfect." Then, as soon as I left, she could tell everybody in the store, "I just sold some nutcase a baby poncho for a hat!"

I say, why can't you wear a poncho for a hat? This is America, isn't it? You can use lots of things for other things. Did you know that some people use pantyhose to strain fruit when they make jam? It's true. I saw it on Martha Stewart. Pantyhose are actually good for lots of things, like... robbing banks... what else? ...robbing convenience stores. ...Let's see, what else? ...just robbing, I guess... and jam.

next: Who's That with Ellen?

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Very nice site!

Posted by John1934 | May 18, 2009 6:40 AM

Hi Ellen, I love your show and i am really big fan of you. You rock in the show.. I sincierely respect your conversation and i really cant believe how do you get such creative thoughts. I am not sure if you read this comment. But you are amazing person i have ever seen in my life.. Good luck.

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Greek sige = silence, sigáo = I keep silent; the verb siopáo means the same. Hence: asigia or asigesia; inability to stop communicating; no capacity for keeping silent. Adj. asigesic, asiopic.

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Posted by goei cryuzpiba | September 24, 2008 3:51 AM

Pnaty hose can be used as a do rag to protect or pack your hair. They can also be used as a hair net if your are working in the kitchen. Love your show Ellen, congrats on the marriage. Can't wait till you are back.

Posted by Chris | September 3, 2008 2:03 PM

Nice site.
Thanks, webmaster.

Posted by Order Viagra | August 29, 2008 10:58 AM

I use panty hose to keep the chicken livers on my fish hook when i am cat fishing. Have a great day

Posted by Debra Wilson | July 7, 2008 11:20 AM

I rarely wear em' but since robbery is probably not at the top of most of our hobby lists...and Jam is time consuming...and sticky

Here are bunches of things to do with pantyhose instead of the landfill

* Store old bits of soap.
* Hang mothballs in your closet.
* Fill with lavender and scent your closet
* Use the elastic in the waist to for tying objects
* Tie up plants in the garden
* Strips cut from the waist make good hair scrunchies (really?!)
* Make soft polishing cloths
* Fill with cat litter and clean up accidents
* Stuff toys and pillows
* Strain cans of paint
* Use as a filter on a vacuum cleaner for locating small objects: earrings, contacts, or buttons.
* Clean your fish tank.
* Shine your shoes.
* Keep spare, or used rolls of wallpaper in the legs of old panyhose.
* Remove nail polish.
* Use old pantyhose to hang dry sweaters.
* Store onions in the legs.
* Store flower bulbs in the same way as above.
* Contain soil in houseplants
* Clean your pool
*Make the job of cleaning out your hairbrush a cinch, say the authors of Extraordinary Uses for Ordinary Things (2007, Reader's Digest), by stretching a piece of pantyhose over and around the bristles of a new or freshly cleaned hairbrush. (You may need to use a comb or bobby pin to push the hose down over the bristles). The next time your brush needs cleaning, lift up and remove the pantyhose layer-plus all the trapped debris on top-and replace it with another strip.3. Protect rolls of wrapping paper by slipping them in tubes made by cutting the leg sections of pairs of pantyhose.

Posted by Kathy | May 23, 2008 12:29 AM

hey Ellen it is me your huge fan Kimberly Wilson I love your show and I love all the guests that you have on your show and a happy delated birthday I hope you enjoyed it.

Kimberly Wilson
Paulding,Ohio

Posted by Kimberly Wilson | May 20, 2008 2:00 PM

Ellen I love your show and I love the guests that you have on your show and I want you to have Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise on your show and I just wanted to wish you a happy delated birthday and I hope you enjoyed it and congurlations on getting married this year.

Posted by Kimberly Wilson | May 20, 2008 1:56 PM

Oh!! just clicked over to this website again..Oh, a fresh blog, actually is this really fresh? I am unable to remember this monolog. Though Martha Stewart rings a bell. Now where did Martha end up? behind bars in a womens prison. Well good for her at least it was an open prison, walk in-walk out. That would be cool, free B&B and a very fetching arrow suit. You could spend sometime in jail Ellen. Andy could wear a spiderman outfit and climb up your window. Mind you the size of Andy's butt it would split..If your lucky Ellen as one is talking about hats, I might just comment on what lies under the hat..hair..tomorrow. I haven't posted a comment about your hair for along time now!! I am not shy talking about your asset that grows from your scalp.

I forgot to mention..when I watched the webcam (rehersal only) I noticed Mary..I think Mary has lost some weight..mind you I bet she will put pounds on during the Summer. That what happens when the mind becomes idle, your body suffers.

Posted by Donald Duck | May 20, 2008 11:19 AM


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