May 13, 2008 | Posted at 11:00 AM

Infomercials

Sometimes it’s dangerous when I can’t sleep late at night. I’ll stumble on an infomercial, and out of curiosity, I’ll watch a little. Next thing I know, I’ve been watching for an hour and I’m convinced I need a Salad Spinner. Granted, I was drunk... and craving salad... and I was sitting there with a head of soaking wet lettuce. How I got the TV in the pool, I have no idea.

Anyway, infomercials are a 4 billion dollar a year industry. Clearly they did studies and they know our judgment is at its worst at 2 in the morning. I don’t know why they call them infomercials. It’s not actual information. I’ve watched tons of them and I still don’t know what caused the French Revolution. Although I believe it had something to do with cheese.

The way infomercials get you is; they tell you that it’s a special price and it’s only for a limited time. So you feel like you have to ACT NOW. There’s a little clock on the screen telling you how much time you have left. It’s like an episode of “24.” “Listen to me Rhonda, I need that food dehydrator! I need sun dried tomatoes! I need sun-dried tomatoes, now!!” And the way they price things is tricky. It seems reasonable at first. “Oh it’s just $19.99.” Then they tell you it’s 89 easy payments of $19.99. And you realize you just spent 39 thousand dollars on a Native American doll.

next: Who's That with Ellen?

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Ellen, thanks for the laugh, but here is something to think about – not all infomercials are selling hooky products, in fact some products need the demonstration that can only be done today on a TV infomercial because there are no other ways shy of spending a huge fortune to promote your product.

In 2000 I launched (via a licensing agreement) my first invention called the Turbo Cooker, but because of its revolutionary cooking Steamcooking ™ technology (5 patents, 2 research studies and recipes valued by the diabetics association) and unique product design we had no choice but to demo it thru an infomercial otherwise it would just look like a funny pan – so maybe we can come on your show and you can take the Turbo challenge.

Chef Randall Cornfield

Posted by Chef Randall Cornfield | June 3, 2008 10:08 PM

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yes very dangerous! I like watching.. its exciting.. so enthusiastic.. better our lives.. make it easier.. and I have to have it.. well.. that's what they say and then its 19.99 or 3 easy installments of $x amt. if you act now we'll cut a payment and throw in some knives!!! Wow!!!

Do you like "How its Made" and "How it works?" on Discovery channel? I do. I just like it. In each show they have 3 or 4 things they show how its made.. the steps. Its really interesting. I watched 'em make a pink eraser.. today I saw the tail end of how they make worn jeans.

Not to change subjects.. but for the 3rd subject! I ate toast yesterday and I put a tomatoe inside thus had a tomatoe toast sandwich!!! It was very good.. I am going to have that again!!!! Its my new fave food. SOOO good. sweet tomatoes... should I put cinnamon on it.. im scared... should I????? ok.. I will... live on the edge.. yeah I'll live a little today!!! Ok.. yeah.. I'm psyched now!!! It might be good. what else should I try??? 4th subject... where's your chef Ellen??? on vacation???? Has he have you eating out a can for your lunch???? Concerned and missing your picture lunch/share.

Have to go... talk later Ellen... I must eat so when your show comes on I can focus 100% and not eat at the same time... I fear looking down at my plate.. I may miss something. Fast show... you never know what will happen. I almost had this tomatoe toast sandwich last night as a snack before bed... that's how good it is. Ellen you should try!!!! its deliciousous! its kinda like ice cream cake. You know how cake is too dry sometimes and if its ice cream cake its liquid to the dry cake.. just goes together.. nice blend. well.. toast can be dry and the tomatoe is juicy enough to melt in your mouth so to say! Its still good to dunk your toast in your milk.. if you must!!!!

Posted by tonya | May 14, 2008 10:20 AM

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I can't help but wonder how they can afford to give so much away free when they already tell you you're getting such a great deal.

"Order the Magic Bullet for this special price of $29.95! It's craaaaazzy! And order now and we'll send you a second Magic Bullet, a blender, two sets of knives, a handy carrying case, and a Golden Retreiver!"

But then you go to the store and get JUST the Magic Bullet for $39.95.

Posted by Lauren G | May 14, 2008 8:22 AM

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Hi Ellen---
It is not me with the problem it is my step-mom. After my dad died of a brain aneurysm she had problems sleeping, doesn't like pills so she wouldn't take sleeping pills. Well while awake she is flipping through the channels and watching informercials. The problem is not WATCHING the infomercials it is when she orders all of the crap she sees. She is on more than a first name basis with the UPS,FedEx and DHL delivery guys. I am thinking about having a timer put on her tv so she can't watch let alone order. Do you have a SHAMWOW? Well she does.

Posted by Beth Morgan | May 14, 2008 5:09 AM

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Why do they always say, "Wait there's more, order now and we'll send you two salad spinners". I really know I don't need the one but what is the draw that I think I am getting such a deal to get a second one??

Posted by mom2two | May 13, 2008 10:05 PM

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HEY ELLEN;
I HAVE A PROBLEM LIKE YOURS TOO.I WAKE UP AT 3.00-4.30 IN THE MORNING A FEW TIMES A WEEK. I THEN I DISCOVERED WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS, I WAS EATING COFFEE ICE CREAM OR COKE WITH POPCORN OR PRETZLES. I STOPPED THIS AND WENT TO BED AT 11.00 EVERY NITE.AND IT WORKED.I NOW WAKE UP AT 6.00 EVERY DAY AND GET A GOOD NITES SLEEP.


JUBY-DU RATAJCZAK
BUFFALO,N.Y.

Posted by JUDY RATAJCZAK | May 13, 2008 3:50 PM

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HEY ELLEN;
I HAVE A PROBLEM LIKE YOURS TOO.I WAKE UP AT 3.00-4.30 IN THE MORNING A FEW TIMES A WEEK. I THEN I DISCOVERED WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS, I WAS EATING COFFEE ICE CREAM OR COKE WITH POPCORN OR PRETZLES. I STOPPED THIS AND WENT TO BED AT 11.00 EVERY NITE.AND IT WORKED.I NOW WAKE UP AT 6.00 EVERY DAY AND GET A GOOD NITES SLEEP.


JUBY-DU RATAJCZAK
BUFFALO,N.Y.

Posted by JUDY RATAJCZAK | May 13, 2008 3:46 PM

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Hi Ellen,

I am glad to hear that it’s not “just me” that has fallen for the: “Buy it at 2:00 AM while I’m drunk and vulnerable, but still conscious.”

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that infomercials are the devil’s work because just about everyone I know will probably end up in hell, and only some of us are that smart.

The people who endorse products on infomercials are brilliant because they are making a lot of money. I have concluded that famous people endorse products because at one time they did what we do, only one day in their drunken stupor, realized: I have spent enough money on enough stuff. I’m going to make some of my money back and sell stuff to people like me and the other people who I will see in hell.

From: The Diary of a Stuff Collector


Posted by besillysometimes | May 13, 2008 11:38 AM

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