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Ellen's Thoughts | Tuesday, May 27, 2008 | 11:00 AM

Drive Me Crazy!

This is what I’ve learned about driving, and I know a thing or two… maybe even three things about it. The most incredible thing is: No one thinks they’re a bad driver -- especially bad drivers! “I happen to be an excellent driver, officer!” I know what you’re thinking… is she really a good driver or is she a bad driver in denial? It’s a fair question. You’re just gonna have to trust me on this. I’m an excellent driver. So, I’d like to share my tips for driving… I call them: “Ellen’s Tips for Driving.”

* Do not continually step on the brake. The brake is not there so you can tone your calf muscles. It’s not a bass drum, it’s a brake. If you like to stop that often, take the bus. They stop all the time.

* If I’m your passenger, don’t hug the curb. If the side mirror is hitting garbage cans and mailboxes, and I’m flinching uncontrollably – I’m not having fun.

* Please go AT LEAST the speed limit! Nothing is worse than being behind a slow driver! …maybe a paper cut is worse, but after that, it’s slow drivers. It’s annoying even if you don’t want to get where you’re going. “C’MON! I need to get to my root canal!”

* Finally, some people find tailgating intimidating. I agree. And I will keep on intimidating you until you go the speed limit.

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I tend to be an agressive driver, but spent the last week in a beautiful national park with scenery & animals everywhere. We didn't go faster than 30 mph for several days, and often that was too fast! Wonderful!

Posted by Chelle | May 28, 2008 10:48 AM

I feel just like you do. I think you grew up in LA.; well I grew up in AR. Every morning at 7:00 am all the farmers leave the cafe. They drive 35 in a 55; of course your on your way to work. They have to drive this slow to see what Henry planted this year or every year in that one field. Which by the way runs about 25 miles. Then you have grandpa and grandma that have to be at the doctors office by 10:00 am. Well of course they have to look at all the house's they have seen for the last 50 years, and don't forget the fields, they use to be involved with farming in one way or another. Then there are the ones that will not go over 55 mph for nothing. Never mind they have 30 cars lined up behind them. There is so much traffic coming from the other direction that you have to pass at your own risk. I keep telling people how to drive. I have learned if I'm late for work pass on the right side. Make sure no one is stopped on the shoulder; that is the right side. You can also play dare devil; Pass even it there are cars coming. See who chickens first you or them. Of course you hope they pull over on the shoulder as well as the couple of cars behind them. I believe that I am a great driver. I taught both my children to drive.

Posted by Angela Comer | May 28, 2008 10:10 AM

You admit to tailgaiting and so close to your wedding!

Posted by Andrea antulov | May 28, 2008 12:03 AM

yes.. I was going 20 in a 35.. 'cause the car in front of me couldn't pick a speed.. he was going 25.. which makes me go 20. Then he turned left.. or she? and I was a free bird.. felt like I was let out of my cage!!! LOL

I don't have a chevy impala.. but impala's like to run fast!!!

LOL

Posted by tonya | May 27, 2008 10:29 PM

What about those people who drive on the fast/passing lane all the time! There's a reason we call that the passing lane.

Posted by ellin | May 27, 2008 3:10 PM

You never walk alone, lalalalala, you never walk alone, lalalal

Posted by Berliner Mädel | May 27, 2008 2:28 PM

am wat u call a "defensive aggressive driver"....good thing bout driving in nigeria is we dnt have d speed limit, u just be ur "pilot" on the road....no wonder we have loads of accidents!!!

Posted by Anonymous | May 27, 2008 2:21 PM


you know wat is real boring walking without a blue eye woman

Posted by gerrie van rooij | May 27, 2008 2:11 PM

Nver misunderstand me. I love to be touched. Walking without sweet drivers who touch me is too boring

Posted by Berliner Mädel | May 27, 2008 1:40 PM


when you are afraid for my driving and too be touches go walk

Posted by gerrie van rooij | May 27, 2008 1:37 PM

From one excellent driver to another....I hate slow drivers with a passion. I am constantly praying in the morning when i'm running a little behind and someone decides they have nothing better to do then to go to the market during traffic hour. Why don't they just wait until 10 a.m. to go to the market? Really is one hour going to kill you? I always feel like just ramming my car into those slow drivers but i love my car and i don't love jail.

Posted by Luisa | May 27, 2008 1:28 PM


HI! ELLEN;
DO I SENSE THAT SOMETHING HAPPEN TO YOU ON THE 101 OR 110 WHAT EVER YOU DRIVE. THEN DO WHAT I DO CALL THE PO PO OR DO YOU GUYS OUT IN LA NOY HAVE THE LOCAL NUMBER .TO GET THE COPS ON THE TRAIL.DO WHAT I DO CITIZEN ARREST,PULL A BARNEY FIEFE!
HAVE FUN ALWAYS
JUBY DU RATAJCZAK BUFFALO.N.Y.

Posted by JUDY RATAJCZAK | May 27, 2008 1:11 PM

I totally agree with all of your tips because i am an excellent driver as well:-)

Posted by Yvonne | May 27, 2008 12:58 PM

Ellen, I am sorry to say that, but I am a bad passenger, because I am afraid if the driver of a little blue car touches me somewhere and gets too close to the trees along the streets. Being touched by that driver is wonderful, but going too close to the trees than....too much stress. But I can laugh about it, until now nothing happend.

Posted by Berliner Mädel | May 27, 2008 12:28 PM

I have found my new favorite quote " Some people find tailgating intimidating, and I will keep intimidating you until you go the speed limit!"
Can you please make this a bumper sticker?! LOL!

Posted by Kristen N | May 27, 2008 11:37 AM

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