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I went to the grocery store this weekend to buy some sundries, and something horrific happened. I got caught in line behind a woman who paid with a check. That's pure torture. I thought I was on "Punk'd." Who pays with a check anymore? I never do. I only use my American Express card. (wink) Writing out a check could not take longer. First of all, they don't even get the checkbook out until everything's bagged. Then they have to look at the driver's license, get a manager's approval, stamp it, put it in the special drawer... sacrifice a goat. It takes forever. Then they take out their register and balance their checkbook before they leave. "Let's see, carry the one, take away the nine, add the four..." Even when I used checks, I didn't record them. I just waited for them to bounce and then I knew how much I spent. And if you make a mistake, then you have to void it and start over, or put your initials on it to make it "legal." Is that really legal? How do they know who wrote the initials? It's just two capital letters. Unless you're Prince. Then it's just the one; "P." Maybe that's why he changed his name to that symbol for a while. Harder to forge. I'll bet he has purple checks... with rain on them. Purple Rain checks. Some people take the time to write in the "memo" line. That's so when they get their canceled checks back, they can remember what they were for. "To the LAPD. LAPD? What's this for? (look down to memo line) Ah, yes... bail. Lucky there's that memo line. I thought it was a reminder section. Like, if you write a check to your plumber. In the memo section you can put, "Remember to wear a belt next time you fix my sink."
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The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Facebook
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Ellen's Thoughts
| Wednesday, May 28, 2008 | 11:00 AM
Checks and Balances
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Good evening. Keep on going and the chances are you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I have never heard of anyone stumbling on something sitting down.
I am from Greece and also now am reading in English, tell me right I wrote the following sentence: "People think that going on a vacation is a pretty expensive affair as the return ticket costs a lot."
With love :(, Eamon.
You are so right, Ellen. I can't believe the number of people who still write checks!! In Birmingham, MI, apparently the majority have not heard of debit/credit cards - at least, not at the store where I work!!
One time my boyfriend owed me some money.He wrote me a check back on the bottom of the check he wrote "sexual favors"
Well, you know....in L'Erable, Illinois, they don't even take plastic. No plastic period. Checks or Cash. So, if ever you find yourself wandering the street (no, no need for plural in this case) of L'Erable, stop in at The Longbranch Restaurant...be sure they know you are vegetarian though...and have a bite to eat...oh, by the way...they make the best Brandy Alexanders you ever tasted.
I don't work for them...I just love the place!
Connie
Okay Ellen.
This speaks directly to my mother!!!! She doesn't write out checks anymore but after she pays with her check card, she'll write down how much she spent. And no matter how many people are behind her, she'll decide the cashier is too slow and begin balancing the dad-blerm thing right there. I wish I had a warning sign for all cashiers.....HURRY!!! Or she'll start balancing the checkbook!!! And when she does start, I straight up leave. I've learned the hard way that she'll forget that she spent $60 at the wine and spirits store and start harshing me about it. (The whole time I'm wishing I had that bottle of wine or that bottle of Jack Daniels). And while she's talking I'll take as many grocries as I can carry without looking like I've robbed the place and go get the car. I tried reasoning with her but she told me to shut the hell up or I'll be balancing her checkbook! ITS A NIGHTMARE!!!
Thank you for your funny insight, now I have something to think about when I'm out in the car, waiting for her to realize I'm not there and come get in the car.
OMG!!! Ellen, i love you so much!! Congrats on your marrige by the way... Everyone that i know uses checks and it so annoying!! They should be.. im not sure. but they are lousy. the checks. not the people. :-)
I work at a grocery store as a cashier, and you have no idea how many people still write checks. I absolutely hate it because they always take a while to write out the check and it's awkward for me to just stand there and watch them. Then I have to put it through the machine and write numbers on it...it's no fun.
I work in a busy pharmacy and sometimes I run the register. I love when people write checks...it gives me time to grab a quick nap before I have to check out the next person in line.
Well, unfortunately in this economy some of us have to write checks the day or two before we get paid in order to feed the family. I know it isnt the best practice to "float" like that but sometimes its a necessity. I dont like doing it but I try to be empathetic when someone in front of me is writing one because who knows what their situation is. If we all had your money Ellen, I would NEVER write checks! Dream on right?
Anyway, love the show and congrats on your marriage. I hope you both stay happy and beautiful.
haha.... yep... you just feel like yelling at the person in front of you writing that check....... "Don't you have a stinking Debit card???? why dont you just use a stone tablet and a pick!" hahahaa
OMG!!! My boyfriend writes checks! It really makes me crazy! I mean, it's all coming from the same place, just swipy swipy and be done with it. It's embarrassing. I find that I leave the register, lowering my head, I'll help bag the groceries, look for other people to talk to, find a magazine to read, anything while he's writing because I really feel bad for those behind us. I know what they are all thinking, and all I want to do is go back and say "I'm so sorry, he hasn't caught up with the rest of us yet and made the quantum leap to swipy swipy." I love my swipy swipy. I just don't get it.
OMG, I so know what you mean. I HATE when check writers are so inconsiderate as to not even get the darned thing out until the process is complete!! The could at least have the curtesy to fill in all blanks as the checker is ringing up their purchases. OMG!!!!
Love Your show and all you do!
Congratulations on your up coming wedding!It's fantastic to say that!
I know you don't want folks to send gifts, but I wanted to ask you if you would consider those that would like to give something, to give donations to the coalition that is fighting to keep the right for same gender couples to marry in California from being reversed in November???
It would be a gift that supported your marriage, and all those that choose to marry. A gift that keeps on giving!
All the best to you and Portia!
Tammy -
SC
Hi,Ellen!
First of all, i love your show. I stopped watching Oprah ever since your show started .I love her,too. But I think , your show is more fun to watch.
I still write checks because I like to write on them, and I like the beautiful different styles of checks.
Ellen, I think your GORGEOUS (did I spell it right? ) You are sooo beautiful, inside and out.
Essie
My uncle sam cut me a check!!!
Hey.. Uncle.. if you see this.
THANKS!!!!
President Bush!
Thank you for the check.. making this stimulas package. I definately can use it. Sincerely, USA citizen,grateful,appreciative.. Thanks!
Hi ELLEN!!!
you moved in yet?????
remember.. bend those knees and keep that back straight! Getting excited to see you in your new studio!!!
I like your analogy about the little baby bird knowing just its nest... the little nest world and leaving it into the unknown. That would be very scary. What would also be scary is when its really windy and being a bird!!!!... (picture the cartoon "Snoopy" and the little yellow bird end over end in a scene.. hitting its head with stars twirling above!.. remember that! poor little birdie. Love that show as a kid. Theirs always a Charlie Brown in this world. Great cartoon!
Toodles!
T
OMG Ellen.....so new to this hi-tech stuff....I am from "Old School"....well actually I just fibbed, I am from a small town in Alberta, Canada....Okotoks (Oak-a toaks)....that's kinda funny spelling it phonetically (spelling????...not sure if I spelled that right)....anyhoo....just a quick "Hi" at ya....love your show and I see you reading alot of e-mails from Ontario...or somewhere down "East".....so just lettin' ya know....all's great here in the "Wild West.....
And by the by.....congrats on the engagement....so so so so happy for you......
Have a great one.....whatever a "one" might be....never did quite get that saying.....
Loraine
P.S....If you ever just want to chat to a fellow "50ish" Canuck (Canadian).just give me a shout LOL
Hi Ellen...you are the best! I DVR your show everyday. I also check your website everyday, trying to get tickets to your show. I will be out there in June, on vacation, for a week, over my birthday. Everytime I look to see if there are tickets available for my birthday, June is not clickable or available. I want so badly to come to your show while I am out there. What can I do? I plan to bring my best friend, my sister, and my daughter. We are all huge fans of your's. Are you even going to be taping shows in June? Thank you and have a great day!!
Comments (31) | Post a comment now »
Welcome to my world I guess I should say the world I experienced as a cashier in a large toy store. For 6 years I dealt with the women, unfortunately it was 98% women who wrote the checks, who thought nothing of holding up the line as they looked for their checkbook to start the long annoying wait...heres an example:
I would stand there with daggers in my eyes as they would slowly carefully write their check, "How much was it again? Whats the date? How do you spell... Whats the date again? "No No Bobby leave the candy alone! I said no, put it back! Whats the date? How much? Oh maybe I do have enough cash or here's 20.00, now how much do I owe? Bobby, NO! When she would finally hand over the check as I breath a sigh of relief the next thing I would sometimes hear is, "O.k. Bobby you can have the 1.99 candy! Honey, is it O.K if I write a check?? So how much is it??" Puts a person right over the edge! Don't get me started on the 5 minutes until closing shoppers or the chronic returners who bring back garage sale toys for CASH! It was also nice to follow store return policies until they ask to speak with a manager who O.K's anything that I deemed "impossible so I looked like I was so darn mean. Retail is one of the hardest jobs a person can have! You should have a show about Retail: Thank you for shopping... and have a nice day???
Posted by Lisa Heineman | April 20, 2009 12:45 PM