My Thought...And I Do Have One

YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME

I recently bought a pair of socks. The were labeled “L” and “R.” I don’t need somebody telling me which sock goes on which foot. My butler does that for me. Basically, the sock company just wants to tell me what to do. But guess what sock company?

I’m an adult. …Even if the socks that I bought have ponies on them, I paid for them out of my own allowance. And whoever is labeling milk cartons, stop telling me to “open other end.” Last time I checked, a milk carton is supposed to dispense milk, not get snippy with me. Cough medicine bottles say, “Do not drive or operate heavy machinery.” I don’t know about you, but I find the best way to get rid of a cough is to drink some cough syrup and then fire up the jackhammer. That really loosens everything up.

My blow dryer has a tag that reads, “Do not blow dry in sleep.” I can’t control what I do in my sleep. Next thing you know, they’ll be telling me to only drink margaritas when I’m awake. But the one set of directions that I really resent are the ones for the hokey pokey. The last thing I need is somebody telling me when to put everything in and shake it all about!

next: Hardpoll

| Comments (41)

Comments (41) | Post a comment now »

Hi Ellen! I have had a horrible expierence with those "swimmy things". You know those inflatable things you put on little kids arms for swimming? I'm not sure what they call them... Anyways, I think they need a warning label! I put those things on my ankles one time. Not a good idea. I jumped in the pool and all of a sudden I was upside down flapping my arms like a bird trying to get my head to the surface.... I was 18 years old at the time, you'd think I'd know better. Obviously not. They should totally have a warning label...

Posted by Amanda Mehlig | March 31, 2008 5:58 PM

Ellen,

You are absolutely right! Who are these people trying to tell you things? Do they even know who you are? You are Ellen DeGeneres, Talk-show host extraordinare! You are more popular than Oprah!

LOL. I really did laugh out loud. You are my favorite TV person ever.

I hope you pick me to go to Florida with you. I have never been and would really like to meet the Jonas Brothers and YOU!

Posted by Stephany | March 26, 2008 10:44 PM

Today I went to my local animal shelter to adopt a kitten, and was shocked by what I saw. The dog were in tiny cages in a very small back room. There was no window and no cages outside. They looked like their will to live was gone,I cant descibe the lack of life in their eyes.They took me back up front and two puppys were being brought in by someone who "said" he found them on the side of the road. They were so shook up they had thrown up in the cage the fear in their faces was so strong I broke down in tears right then and their they were covered in mange and looked very sick. When I asked if they would be ok she said, 'we have no medical funding, all we can do is feed them. There is much more to the story but Im out of room. "someone PLEASE HELP these animals" Tupelo Mississippi animal shelter

Posted by eliza | March 24, 2008 5:20 PM

Happy birthday Porcha

Posted by jessie | March 24, 2008 1:02 PM

Intellegent people know what they are talking about, stupid people think they know what they are talking about!

Posted by mel | March 24, 2008 11:04 AM

ive been in Canada for the last 10 weeks, and been loving it because theres been like no reruns of your show!! :D all brand new :D:D
but on wednesday im flying back home to England and im getting really upset because my sister says they still show old ones there. not saying their not good.. but when i start to say your lines for ya... I know I've watched it one too many times *whistles around* ... is there any way that you can get more of your newer shows over on Five US?? ive come to like watching new shows of you and your fasination on life :)
gonna miss you if you're not on :(

love and light, aleris x

Posted by Aleris | March 24, 2008 10:16 AM

This web site sucks I just want to register to enter the universal trip to Orlando and its impossible to register. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Kathleen Mravic | March 24, 2008 6:22 AM

Hi,

I live where it snows. Our snowblower has a warning label that states "Do not use on a roof."
I was so disappointed...now I have to go back to the snow shovel. It is easier getting it up the ladder. (Just kidding, do not try that at home).

Thanks for the laughs.

Claudette

Posted by Claudette | March 23, 2008 10:00 PM

Ellen it is all over the web down here in LA so thought I would pass along the news in case you have not heard it yet.

People are to wear blue on Fridays to show support for our troops everwhere.

I wil be and hope you will also.

Posted by Sandra Heptinstall | March 23, 2008 4:01 PM

Hey Ellen, If Paris doent want to be your bbff i will i love your show you make me laugh and i also get up and dance with ya even if u cant see me Lori De Arment, Kissimmeee Florida

Posted by Lori De Arment | March 23, 2008 12:59 PM

Please come join me on the walk againist cancer may 10th at usc.. Go to the revlon website.. Sign up and get sponsors and walk.. It changes your life forever.. We walk for people who are fighting cancer and for those who have passed. I had brain surgery five years ago and I am walking because I have lost people to cancer and who are fighting cancer. You have to live and be grateful for everything.. So come and walk with me..
jessica goldner

Posted by jessica goldner | March 23, 2008 11:19 AM

Hi Ellen,
Please include Thursday and Fridays shows in your re-runs...Your show is in here at 4:00 P.M., EDT.
Your show was pre-empted with the NCAA basketball tournament!!!!
Thanks,
Lana

Posted by Lana K. Glaser | March 23, 2008 10:47 AM

Dear Ellen:
My friends have all been to see your show, and I said WHAT, you guy went without telling me. They thought I would be busy or what not. Great friends, huh! Well what I was thinking was, your my friend and if I could win anything, anything at all I could say, " You saw her show but she's my friend, look what she sent me." Did it work, huh, huh?
Your Friend Julie A Big Fan

Posted by Julie A Big Fan | March 23, 2008 9:12 AM

Hey Ellen and Ellen Fans!

I have been asking people to write Ellen about Kyle Hickok. Today I am writing to ask that you all say a prayer for Kyle and his family. Kyle is having a hard time of things right now and could really use the extra prayers. Though I do not attend church regularly, I strongly believe in the power of prayer.

Kyle's birthday is coming up on March 25th. I have managed to procure a phone number and an e-mail address to reach Emeril's assistant. The woman who gave me the number is a Private Events Coordinator for Emeril. I am hoping that maybe we can get Emeril to call Kyle for his birthday. A call from Emeril might be just what the doctor ordered. Kyle probably won't be able to talk but the hope is that maybe hearing Emeril's voice may help in some way.

I have picked up a few things for Kyle for his birthday and will be sending them over night so that they are there on his birthday. It is my hope that maybe the family will get to see a long awaited smile on Kyle's face.

Please stop by his CaringBridge website to offer a kind word and a birthday wish. I think knowing that so many people out there are thinking of him on his birthday will really mean a lot to Kyle. The address is: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kjnh

Thank you all so much for all the messages left already for Kyle, lets try to help the little Warrior Man (as his family calls him) get through this rough time.

All my best to everyone and a very Happy Easter!

Kelley Wilson

Posted by Kelley Wilson | March 23, 2008 5:32 AM

When I was rowing on the canals of Berlin in the 80s, I used to wear a green and a red sock (because of port and starbord), which helped, if the coach gave orders to us.

Posted by Berliner Mädel | March 23, 2008 2:42 AM

Hey Ellen,

Your thought about the pair of sock it's really funny. I have one myself,trust me I know how annoying it is.
I am wearing them now ,but not in the right way ,I always switch the sides ,it makes me feel better!
I had the same thought ,I looked at them the other day and told myself: "well, U won't tell me what to do,U little...",it's not enough to have bosses on the ship ,now I can't even control my socks? Give me a break! Anyway, if I won't wear it in the right way,it won't fit or what?
For me it's really funny that in the US ,every single box or thing ,U name it ,it has an explanation on it,just like for kids,step by step,detailed.
OK, I have to leave now,I mean the plain is leaving.
Take care and have fun in Orlando, I will try to watch that somehow.

Posted by Emoke Istvan | March 22, 2008 9:25 PM

Last Thursday (March 20, 2008) you showed an absolutely entrhralling (to me) video clip of a dachshund using an automatic ball-thrower to fetch his own ball. I LOVED it!!
If whoever sent in the clip can let us know where to get the thrower- I would love to know. If that person invented the thrower- tell them to get it patented and put it in Petsmart!!
Such a smart dog (and owner).
I would love to ask for contact info- but I use the library's computer, and can't pay a dollar from there for the info.
Love you, Ellen, and love your show.
Char

Posted by Char | March 22, 2008 8:25 PM

Ok I have a thought, why do we have to post our pictures when we try to enter ellen's contest, now I would not mind doing this if I had a clue on how, so I cannot enter to go to Orlando or to get any prizes since I do not know how to put a picture of myself on the entry, and the rules say I am disqualified if I do not do everything I am told to do, so my thought is, hey Ellen, please give me a break, I want to go to Orlando or really I am easy I will do anything except put a picture of myself on the entry, to be honest I do not think my computer knows how to do it either, so can we drop that part of the entries. thanks for listening. PS Thanks for making 1 hr in each of my work days filled with laughter so all the girls around me wonder "WHAT THE HECK IS SHE DOING OVER THERE"

Posted by debbie gholston | March 22, 2008 6:29 PM

My Aunt who has just lost over one hundred pounds was recently mistaken for my mom's mom even thought she is younger. They both are youthful looking. However, that pissed her off. So I would like you to do something for my Aunt like a makeover. Thanks!

Posted by Eray Howard | March 22, 2008 2:46 PM

I laughed so hard when i read some of these, i'm waiting for the day where they tell you what sock to put on what foot. I did find two though
1) "Do not use on children under 12" - on a can of OFF bug repelent spray. Right... we all know children under 12 might explode if bug repelent comes in contact with them, that's why they have so much fun squishing bugs.

2) " Do not smoke cigarets until skin is dry, not for intimate hygine use" - on a can of perfume. Great so now i have to shower or by a deoderant - and there goes my fantasy of smoking and spraying perfume on me.

Posted by ~Chris~ | March 22, 2008 1:41 PM

Comment Page: << 1 2 3 >>