SHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Today I’d like to talk about librarians. I don’t know how many of them watch my show. If they do, they probably watch my show while reading or working on the Dewey Decimal System. They probably don’t watch much TV at all. They just wait for the transcripts. If they do watch the show, they probably keep the sound turned down and put their fingers up to their mouths and say, “Shhhhhhhh” every time the audience laughs.
Librarians are the opposite of cheerleaders. At the library, if you make any noise, they deal with you immediately. First you get the silent, “How dare you?” look. If that doesn’t work, they give you the universal zip the lip signal. And if that doesn’t work, they do the lock up the lips and throw away the key move. I always trick them. I pretend to throw away the key, but keep it in my hand and slip it in my pocket. I’m sure I’m gonna get some phone calls from angry librarians. Of course, I won’t be able to hear what they are saying.
Have you ever been yelled at by a librarian? It tickles. I bet when they go out at night, librarians are totally different. It’s probably something like “Librarians Gone Wild.” I bet its just like the “Whitesnake” video. You remember the video? They take their glasses off, the wind starts blowing in their hair and end up on the hood of a Camaro. ..It’s because they can’t see. They think it’s their bed.
next: Who's That With Ellen?
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It's been years since librarians shussshed anybody.
People talk out loud at the library all the time, in fact the librarians are the loudest talkers.
You are in desperate need of somebody to write your material for you and make it more realistic.
Posted by John C. Anderson | April 25, 2009 1:41 PM