March 2008 Archives

Ellen has one of her best shows ever lined up and if you don't believe her, just ask one of the thousands of people who showed up to see it!

MY SPRING BREAK ...AND I DO HAVE ONE

I'm having the time of my life here in Orlando. It's great to be able to go on spring break without having to go through all that pesky time-consuming trouble of actually going to college. Although I did take out a student loan to pay for this trip.

Universal Orlando Resort is a really fun place. There's nothing more relaxing and peaceful than walking around and hearing thousands of people screaming at the top of their lungs. I found out that kids get to ride, eat and stay for free! I gotta get me a kid. Or doctor up my driver's license. You can tell that the rides here are really scary because when you get on them, you have to stow all your belongings. Then they strap you in and pull a bar down over your head. I haven't had that kind of security around me since I was in prison. The weirdest thing is they tell you that if you are wearing flip-flops, you have to take them off and sit on 'em. Because you know how valuable flip flops are. In San Diego, they use them as currency.

I went on the greatest ride this morning. You walk into a small room and giant doors close behind you, so you're trapped. Then all these buttons light up and it just drops to the ground! It was thrilling! I think they call it the "El ­a ­va-tour." If you haven't been on it, I totally recommend it!

Ellen starts off her first show at Universal Studios In Orlando with a bang! But when the smoke clears everything is still left standing ...especially the audience.

On Monday, Chester Pitts and Ephraim Salaam rode every roller coaster they could fit on.

If you have any bad roller coaster photos, be sure to send them our way. We want to see them and maybe put them on the show!

Who else but Ellen could get the guy who's song has been #1 for 10 weeks in a row to follow her through the audience and sing for her?

Ellen holds a crash course in bikini modeling and finds out what happens when you put a bunch of bubble bath in the jacuzzi.

Ellen choreographs a beautiful water ballet with a bunch of random people swimming in the Royal Pacific resorts pool.

Ellen is at Universal Orlando Resorts, and Monday she has a show that's going to be so much fun, it'll be like an all-expenses-paid half-hour vacation!

Got any weekend plans? Why not meet some new friends by joining Ellen's Wiki?

The Ellen Wiki is a wonderful new web-based community, where you power the site! Tap your funny bone and author hilarious captions on your very own page -- with great images from the Ellen show! Upload your own Bad Paid-For Photos. Share your favorite recipes. Show us your incredible pets! Watch and rate a whole bunch of unbelievable viral videos. If you're a fan of Ellen, you'll definitely want to check it out!

The Ellen Wiki is super easy to use, with step-by-step instructions. When you get all set up, you'll be even more connected to Ellen's community than you ever imagined! See you there!

Ellen is appointing herself the activities director at the Royal Pacific Resort pool in Orlando. "Does any need a towel or a cold beverage? Hey! No running at the edge of the pool! Can I have your attention? Would all the people in the pool gather together in a group? We're all going to do some synchronized swimming!"

Ellen would also like to direct your activities. She wants you to make sure that you watch her show next week, which will be coming directly from Universal Studios in Orlando. And for goodness sake, make sure to wait a half hour after eating before you jump into her show!

What is Ellen doing 30 seconds before her show starts?

A) Watching Mama as she bungee jumps from the catwalk.

B) Doing her famous Orangutan impression from "Planet Of The Apes."

C) Playing invisible "Twister."

D) Wrangling her pet giraffe, "Shorty."

E) Practicing her mad break dancing skilz.

You have 30 seconds to answer correctly. All answers must be written with a #2 pencil and submitted in triplicate. Offer void in all states except Hawaii and East Dakota.

SCARY MOVIES

Have you seen any scary movies lately? You either love scary movies or you hate them. Whenever I go to see a scary movie it's always the same. There's a creepy guy who breathes too loud and a nosy girl who asks too many questions. I guess I should pick some new people to go to the movies with. I think it's even more frightening to watch scary movies at home. I put in the movie, turn off all the lights and cuddle up with a blanket and a bowl of popcorn. I really get into scary movies. There's something about them that makes me talk to the screen. I end up yelling at the characters like they can hear me. "Don't go in there Lorraine! Don't go in there!"

Other movies don't make you want to yell at the screen. You don't watch a documentary and start yelling, "Don't make that life choice, Charley! It will only lead to tragedy and ruin!" I think the scariest place to watch a horror movie would be in an old, abandoned cabin in the woods with no one around for miles except for a faceless woodsman named "I'mgonnagetchie" who has an ax for a hand.

The one thing you can count on with scary movies is that the music gives everything away. You know when the music gets louder and is accompanied by high-pitched shrieking -- somebody is about to get it. If only it were that way in real life. We'd be able to get a jump on the trouble. I'd start hearing the shrieking violins and immediately rush to save myself. "Hey, creepy guy who breathes too loud and nosy girl who asks too many questions, I'm going to run out for some more popcorn. You wait here, and if anybody comes pounding on the door with an ax, just let them right in."

She started out wanting to be a dancer.

She is the second Spanish performer ever to be nominated for an Oscar.

Her sister is a TV star in Spain.

Where’s the first stop for eliminated American Idols like Danny Noriega, David Hernandez, Amanda Overmyer, and Chikezie? Ellen, of course! There's no better way to shake it off and feel good about yourself than to spend some time with one of Idol’s biggest fans!

If you're like Ellen and can't get enough of American Idol, sign up here to subscribe to "Idols on Ellen!" You’ll get Ellen’s interview with the latest ex-Idol, and you can download and own exclusive iTunes studio versions of audio tracks and live performances of your favorite contestants.

The problem with fantastic beauty products that work wonders is that they often cost money. Wouldn't it be great if you could get amazing things like Kinerase beauty products -- for free? Surprise! You can win some assorted Kinerase Beauty Products right here! All you need to do is enter. (Although, you're so beautiful already, you really don't need them.)

March is Colorectal Awareness Month! That means this is the perfect opportunity to become more aware of colorectal cancer. Stop putting it off! It's important to know about it. The first thing to do is to start right here.

Friday Ellen had Courteney Cox play a game of Tabloid Or Not with an eager audience member. It was a lot of fun but the best part was when Ellen calls out Courteney on forgetting her partner’s name.

Friday Courteney Cox Arquette was kind enough to bring along some Kinerase beauty products for everybody in the audience. Apparently, it works wonders on the skin and according to Ellen, it tastes great on a cracker!

Ellen is chomping at the bit to tell you about Friday's show... okay, she's not really chomping... and she doesn't have a bit. That's just an old expression to describe how excited she is to tell you about her show. Let's put it this way: Ellen has got a bee in her bonnet about Friday's show. That is not an expression. She has an actual bee in her bonnet and it's buzzing like crazy.

Last night the super enthusiastic and soulful Chikezie was eliminated from American Idol. Chikezie will join me in Orlando next Wednesday to talk about where he goes from here. In the meantime, another eliminated Idol, the whiskey voiced, Harley Davidson riding nurse, Amanda Overmyer, will join me tomorrow. Will she go back to nursing or will she continue on with her music? We'll find out and you're going to love yourself when you hear her sing "I Hate Myself for Loving You." Remember, If you can’t get enough of "American Idol," sign up here to subscribe to Idols on Ellen!

A BIG THUMBS UP

We take things for granted all the time and don’t realize it. Think about your thumbs for a second. Okay, that’s enough. They’re just thumbs for crying out loud. We never think about our thumbs. Until we hurt one. Then, you realize how important they are and how much you use them. Have you ever tried flossing without your thumbs? And you can kiss thumb wrestling good-bye. …Unless you have a split lip then you’re not kissing anything good-bye. Your hitch hiking days are over. That may not be so bad for you but how am I gonna get to work?

When your thumb gets better what do you do? You start taking them for granted again. You go back to your old ways, the gambling, the drinking, the ice fishing. My point is, that without opposable thumbs, we’d have …paws. I have nothing against paws. I think they’re cute. Of course, if we all had paws, the world would be a much simpler place. We wouldn’t have been able to invent anything, so we’d all be sitting around scratching the fleas behind our ears. Our thumbs are the reason that dogs are our pets and not the other way around. Dogs can’t do half of the things we can do because they never evolved thumbs like us. Of course, somehow they can still play poker. I’ve never played poker with a dog but I’ve seen the pictures. I guess if they can bark out Christmas carols, they can do almost anything. Just remember that if you ever do play poker with dogs, make sure that you don’t play with dog money. Most banks won’t take it.