December 2007 Archives

It’s Maternity ward mayhem when Ellen drops by with gags and gifts for some new moms and their newborns.

I'm sure you heard the story about my friend Kanye West's mom, Dr. Donda West. She died as a result of complications from a medical procedure. I can't imagine what Kanye is going through right now. I know how much he loved his mother. I love Kanye, and I can't stop thinking about him.

Kanye and his mom created a foundation called the Kanye West Foundation. Their mission is to help combat the severe drop out problem in high schools across the country. It's a great cause, and we are making a donation in Donda's honor. If you're interested in donating, click on the link below.
Thanks.

Click here to donate to the Kanye West Foundation.

Ellen treats everybody in the Riff-Raff Room to lunch at the super swanky "Arnie Morton's: The Steak House"

Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice) helps Ellen out with some fashionable accessories and Ellen returns the favor by giving Posh her first pair of sneakers.

8 year-old crooner Anthony Gargiula's YouTube video has gotten well over a million hits. You'll see why when you watch him blow the roof off of Ellen's studio. This kid's a natural!

Kid turkey callers, Cody Harrison, Savannah Jonathan and Zachary Playle make a shout out to any turkeys in the audience as Ellen looks on like a proud mother hen.

LEFTOVERS

There are going to be a lot of leftovers after the holidays. Roasts, casseroles, desserts. Is fruitcake technically a leftover if it never was opened in the first place? I never have any leftovers. I eat everything on my plate except the plate. Unless I’m eating a tostada and the plate is a tortilla – then I’ll eat the plate, too. I think it’s great that if people don’t eat all their food, they save it for later. “Waste not, want not” is my motto. My motto used to be, “If I don’t waste anything, I won’t want anything” but it sounded better shortened. If I don’t eat something, it’s probably because I didn’t like it. “Excuse me Waiter, I can’t eat this chicken. It’s too dry – could you wrap it to go, for me?” “But first, could you give it a drink of water?”

Ellen is giving away the same fantastic prizes here that she's giving to her studio audience and all you have to do is enter for a chance to win!

But remember, you have to enter each day to win that day’s prizes. Good luck!

Wait Ellen! Not yet! On the final day of her 12 Days Of Giveaways, Ellen can't wait to do her show! But we have to start the music and cue the crowd and get the cameramen back from the snack table and wake up Big Package! Hold on, Ellen. There's 30 still ...30 Seconds To Air!!!

"Hi, I'm Soup." "Hello Soup, I'm Salad." And so began a match made in heaven. I want to stay light on my feet for the grand finale of my 12 Days Of Giveaways so I'm having some delicious roasted tomato soup. (It's easy to make. Just roast some tomatoes and then, while they're still hot, squeeze them until soup comes out. Serves 1.)

I'm also having a zesty, tangy, Caesar salad. Caesar invented it himself one day when he wanted a salad but had some eggs and a bunch of dried bread and salty little dried fish that he had to use up before they went bad. In the corner, you can see a small bowl of funny pills that 1 take every day.) Don't worry, they are completely legal and sanctioned by the Funny Council.) The technical name for them are "Placebos," but I don't care what they're called. They sure do work!

Enjoy your lunch and have the happiest of holidays.

Ellen

On day 12 of her 12 Days Of Giveaways, Ellen surprises Jill Deane of Portland, Connecticut with every prize from all of the 12 days! Happy Holidays Deane family!

I can't wait to tell you about the biggest day yet! ...Okay, I can wait for 3 seconds but that's it. 3,2,1. Click here for the fantastic details!

WAITER, THERE’S A BLOG IN MY SOUP!

I like soup a lot, but I don’t normally order it for my main course. Some people do. I don’t understand why you would want something that’s only liquid, unless your mouth’s been wired shut. I’d rather just have a vodka. How was soup invented? It was probably someone who spilled a glass of water on their dinner plate. “What a clutz! Now my dinner is …delicious!” I saw cold fish soup on a menu once. I don’t like my fish too cold. I like it broiled or grilled – some times poached, but not cold and clammy. Unless it’s clams.

And I also don’t like gazpacho, which to me is exactly like salsa without the chips and margaritas. They also have cold melon soup. You shouldn’t make soup out of melon – that’s just juice in a bowl. It doesn’t make sense. You wouldn’t make ice cream out of meat. Although, on a hot day, nothing sounds more refreshing than a porksicle or a roast beef float.

Apparently somebody on the staff got their holidays confused and thought that it was April Fools Day because some wise guy put super glue in Ellen's lip balm. We asked Ellen if she wanted to postpone the show until we could get her lips unglued but, like the trooper she is, she said, "Mmmmmm mmm mmmm mmmmmmm mmm m mmm." Which we interpreted as "The show must go on." Gosh, somebody better think of something fast because it's only ...30 Seconds To Air!

Sean, who makes my lunch every day, always includes a note describing what he's made for me for lunch. But, for some reason, I am having trouble reading his writing today. I'll give it my best shot. Today I am lunching on a delicious barbecued ...pook hop. (I've never had pook hop before but I assure you that it is delicious. It tastes just like a pork chop.) The pook hop is seasoned with hay leaf, ovivgavo, mustard sceds, salt and pepper as well as fresh garland, shallots and normandy. I've never had a lot of these ingredients before but I think Sean left some out because I definitely can taste bay leaf, oregano, garlic and rosemary. The pook hop is served with brown rice green lentil pilaf and a medley of czarlots, zeevini and shazam swap peas.

You know what? No matter how you spell it, this lunch is deliciouz. Thank you Sean.

Enjoy your lumph

Ellen

After refusing to eat fire, Ellen finally gives in when she’s told that there is a new kind of fire that is not too hot.

The gifts are going to be amazing just like my guests! Want to know more?

Check out our executive producer, Andy Lassner, clowning around while standing in for Ellen during today's rehearsal.

Check out Colbie Caillat singing "Magic" during rehearsal before her appearance on Ellen. It's magical.

FLOWER ARRANGING

Who doesn’t like flowers? I guess people who are allergic or people who are afraid of flowers. I think they’re called flowerphobes. (They’re usually people who were attacked by flowers when they were young.) I guess there are a lot of disgruntled florists who hate flowers. That’s probably about it. Let’s see, what do I like about flowers? Flowers are pretty. Some of them smell good too. (Again, if you’re not allergic.)

They’re pretty and smell good, no wonder they’re so popular. Though, there’s stinky cheese. It’s stinky and doesn’t look good and people still love it. So who knows why people like what they like? Let’s talk about flower arranging. People just take it for granted. Flowers don’t grow like that. It’s an art. Flower arrangers like to add all kinds of things like baby’s breath. Baby’s breath is just filler, you don’t need it… unless you’re a baby; then it’s very important.

There used to be just two kinds of vases: big and small. Now…anything is a vase. …Am I right people? Back me up on this, ladies! There are fish bowl vases, heart shaped vases. I guess you can turn anything into a vase. A shoe, a boot, …I guess sandals wouldn’t work very well. …I guess that’s about it. How come some people say vase and some people say vaaz? I guess a heart shaped crystal container is a vaaz and a boot is a vase.