November 2007 Archives

When Ellen tells you about Monday's fantastic show, you're not going to believe it. But you have to believe it, because it's absolutely true.

ONE STOP SHOPPING

It seems like every store now is “Your place for one stop shopping.” There are very few stores that specialize in one thing anymore. Sure there’s “Just Mugs” and “Only Magnets”, but how often do you run out? When you go to one of these “one stop” stores, it’s hard to buy just one thing. You think you’re going in for a blouse and you walk out with a lawn mower, water heater, mini bike, bunk bed, trampoline, swing set, pup tent, jet ski, and a 50 pound economy sized jar of Marshmallow Fluff. “Boy did this save me time.”

They also have every service available. While you’re shopping you can get your hair cut, have your eyes examined, take a family portrait and rotate your tires. The only thing they don’t have is a bathroom that isn’t being mopped. Then there’s the 99 cent stores. You find things there that you never knew could cost only 99 cents. Like 99 cent underwear. You’re kind of thinking, “Why pay more? They’re 100% cotton.” Then you put them on and realize they didn’t go through the cotton gin. Underpants shouldn’t
give you slivers.

When you hear Ellen describe tomorrow's show, you'll want to just sit there for the rest of the day and wait till it comes on. Please don't. Go out, get some fresh air and come back just when her show's about to start.

Today I will be lunching on a fried tilapia. I'm not quite sure what a tilapia is, but everybody's eating them. I think it's either a fish or a vegetable from Brazil. The tilapia is covered with a burnt butter basil pesto sauce with capers and tomatoes. I don't know why the butter is burnt. I'm sure that my chef, Sean, burned it on purpose and that in the all the trendy eateries, everybody is enjoying the burnt butter. ...unless he's mad at me.

Sean, if your mad, please tell me why and we can get this whole misunderstanding figured out. There are also some lovely sautéed green and yellow beans and some mixed vegetable quinoa which, according to Sean, is an ancient grain that contains all eight amino acids, making it a complete protein. Once again, I don't know why Sean is serving me ancient grains when he can easily get fresh, new, ones at any supermarket, but I am sure that he knows what he's doing. Maybe it's like cheese or wine. Maybe the grain gets better with age. ...unless Sean's serving me ancient food to get back at me for something.

Where does Ellen get the money to buy all the gifts and prizes that she showers her audience with? Before every show she stops by the handy backstage ATM. Ellen had better hurry up and put in her pin number. It's already ...30 Seconds To Air

Ellen's Executive Producer Andy Lassner rehearsed with Rocco Disprito before Thursday's show and as you can see, things got a little out of hand. We thought you should see what goes on behind the scenes when the producers think Ellen is not paying attention.

Rocco Dispirito walks Ellen through one of his "Real Life Recipes" and the two of them cook up some real live fun.

KARAOKE

I went to a karaoke bar with some people from my show. You can learn a lot about your co-workers at a karaoke bar. It’s a real eye opener. People take on a whole new personality in karaoke bars. “Oh my, is that Helen from payroll singing “Hot in Here” in her bra?” People show sides of themselves that you’d never expect. Like when Mama blew away the crowd with her electrifying rendition of “Highway to Hell”? Like Vegas, I think that what happens at a karaoke bar, should stay at the karaoke bar. People do things that they’d never normally do. I think we’ve all seen it before. You have a little too much to drink, you walk up to the mike, Donna Summer’s “Hot Stuff” comes on, and the next day everyone is calling you a “fallen woman.”

Jordin Sparks has an incredible new CD, "Jordin Sparks." Wouldn't it be great to get one free? Well don't dilly dally. Click here to enter.

While you're trying to win something, why not try to win Rocco Dispirito's fantastic new cook book, "Rocco's Real-Life Recipes". No kitchen should be without one. Click here to enter.

After you cook up one of Rocco's Real Life Recipes, you're going to need to brush your teeth. Why not brush in style with Oral-B's new Triumph toothbrush with SmartGuide? Click here to enter.

And now this informative public service message from spokesperson, Ellen DeGeneres.

Today I couldn't wait for lunch so I am having brunch. Brunch is the word breakfast and lunch combined. I like the word "brunch". It sounds casual, like "lounge" or "mimosa". If the inventor of the brunch called it "breakfunch" instead, I don't think he would have been so successful.

By the way, the inventor of the brunch, Larry Eatington, went on to successfully invent the snack and the second helping. This is a burrito with eggs, tomatoes, jack and cheddar cheeses and delicious turkey bacon. Speaking of interesting combos, have you ever seen a pigurkey? They're very sweet creatures just watch out when they're flying over you.

Enjoy your lunch

Ellen

Ellen beat out Tina Fey, Bill Murray and Danny Devito in the Best Celebrity Web Video category for the TV Guide Online Video Awards with her video, "Ready, Set, Go, Emmy's."

The North American talk show host outwardly seems gregarious and outgoing but for the 23 hours of the day when the show is dark, the shy and timid host will roam her territory and forage for guests. One of our motion detecting remote cameras catches a DeGeneres off guard on the way back from the local watering hole. As you can see, her plumage is in full display when there is only ...30 Seconds To Air.

Out of 44 million Valpak coupon recipients, Margaret Williams from Saint Louis, Missouri was the lucky winner of a trip to Ellen's 50th birthday party in January.

It’s gotta be tough being a snake. Everyone is scared of you. Everyone screams when they see you. It’s like you’re a superstar, except people are throwing rocks at you, not underwear. Did you hear about the little 5 year-old boy in England who found a 2 foot long snake in his cereal box? I can only imagine how he must have felt. I got upset once when somebody got their chocolate in my peanut butter. He must have been too young to read the, “Free Snake Inside” on the front. They never said what kind of cereal it was. I’ll bet it was a box of “Frosted Snakes.” Even if you like snakes, it’s still scary to find one in your cereal box. One time my cat jumped out of my cereal box and I almost had a heart attack. Although, it did make me realize that I’d been eating Friskies for the last two weeks.

How would you like to win a bottle of Paris Hilton's new fragrance "Can Can"? You can can be a winner. The first step is to click here.

Want To Know more about the Long Twins and their show, Jubilee! The longest consecutively running showgirl extravaganza on the Las Vegas Strip performing nightly at Bally's Las Vegas, click here.

We need your votes. Should Joe Cameron be on Ellen's show? Click here to watch his video then Vote yes or no (No maybes!) It's Up To Y'all.

Hola watchers of my lunch. Today I am lunching from south of the border with these delicious organic chicken fajitas (Pronounced: fah-heat-as. The j is silent.) filled with red and green peppers, zucchini, onion and cheese and wrapped in flour tortillas (pronounced: tort-tea-as. The ll is silent.) There are also some black beans and rice (pronounced: black-beans-and-rice. Nothing is silent. All the letters are loud and clear.) There is also some roasted tomato salsa (pronounced either: to-matt-oh or to-may-toe) and guacamole (pronounced: gwak-a-mole-eee.)

I love guacamole. I'm thinking of planting some guacamole bushes in the back yard. I've always wondered how the guacamole keeps from dripping off the stems. Now I can see for myself.

But for now, I shall eat my lunch. Adiós,

Ellen (Pronounced: Ellen. the second l is silent)

Thank you. Please listen to Ellen describe tomorrow's amazing show in high definition. The show isn't in high definition ...Ellen's description of the show is highly defined ...in a detailed way.

Spontaneity is very important to Ellen. That's why she doesn't like to do too much advance planning for her shows. Ellen will just wander around and keep popping in to see if an audience and some guests have stopped by. Here we see Ellen pleasantly surprised to discover a terrific crowd and some wonderful guests all ready for a show, when it's ...30 Seconds To Air